#more alone and i get more in my head. sayinf i would have friends if i wasn’t such a fuxking freak of nature. but i don’t know. like what ia
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#but seriously like what do i do. in too paranoid and shy to make friends and i’m just ? too weird and ugly and my self esteem is. nonexisten#so i can’t really handle rejection because yknow. rhat and RSD but i’m working on that a bit it’s just. i talk to one person. it’s teddy ..#hes my best friend and my favorite person but when i see so many people with mutuals and friends they like and talk to everyday i feel even#more alone and i get more in my head. sayinf i would have friends if i wasn’t such a fuxking freak of nature. but i don’t know. like what ia#there to even be done?#i can only make friends if they kind of force their way to me because i don’t reach out bc of genuine fear#everyone thinks i’m so anti social and mean but i want love i want closeness i want friendships.. whats so wrong with me#even when i have friends they always leave and i can’t help but notice it’s because of me#i think i need to face it that i’ll never be a part of a friend group#i’ll never be able to be myself around my friends#even when i’m close to ppl i water mtself down bedayse i’m too weird and off putting#idk.i’m so fuxking sad and alone. the days feel unreal. i feel so unwanted everywhere i go..#i cant take that feeling away. it follows me everywhere. i feel like i was never meant to be alice#alive*. it hurts so badly i can’t put it into words
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